Monday, January 28, 2008
its 12am and im still awake..the clock is still ticking and ive been researching on job options in qatar after i graduate...interesting,i havent found any section on biomedical engineering as a field..instead,its called biotechnology or biochem...i suppose theyre bout the same but anyway,im just exploring my prospects..who knows i'll end up working here(dat would be depressing) but hey i'll get paid in US dollars...wahahahive another 2 more years till we all throw our hats in the air and expose ourselves to the hell of the working world which is good in a way coz we get to gain really good experiences and how bitchy people can be when they're at each other's necks dealing with each other's money/life etc.im looking forward to seeing and believing what i hear.learning new things will not always be my middle name or so i hope.my mum is already questioning my concerns and worry about jobs and all coz ive been thinking alot about it and u know where am i gona work in future?what am i goin to be?what would i be doing?will i lead people or sit behind and watch?im curious to know what is going to happen next.and i think this year will give me the answer to that.
internship/clinicals...it sounds rather boring and uninteresting to me.but im excited to learn something new.something out of the ordinary.something we have to deal with in real life situations when we have to think out of the box and not apply just any everyday knowledge if we're risking people's lives.
though this may be the case,i'm still very curious and intrigued by the fact that i want to save people's lives.not as in be the doctor but assist the doctor but as to how much and to what extent we'll be helping in handling problems,that is another question that still sticks to my head.
my mind is filled with complicated things and trying to answer every question that pops up is rather difficult to handle.in a month's time,i'll be 21 and that means growing up,turning over a new leaf and getting down to business.i do believe that ethical situations like dealing with patients and being behind the doctors is rather a challenge than a solution.
and to the question everyone asks,why do you want to do what you're doing?why do this?why not something u reali love like art etc?
truth is its about compassion.its about saving other people's lives.its about breakthroughs.its not about money,money,money all the time.is that what everyone thinks bout 24/7?money is the solution to everything?wrong...it cant buy love,it cant buy happiness but it can make a living and run errands.
all that i do know that i want to do this because it's my calling.it's God's calling.it's not about me all the time.it's bout lives.it's bout changing the world to make it a better place for everyone whose living in it.my dad almost died of a heart attack and without stents,he wouldnt be walking like a free man now which i am eternally grateful of because it's what i think made everything possible.
there is always a solution to a problem and nothing is impossible.but ive already have ideas in my mind,to make things,to create things.people have been telling me this and that,what they want to be done.new lungs,new kidneys,new this,new that,etc.what if i can give it to them and make them happy?
its easy for me to say but its not simple to do.i believe i've worked hard and i've come a long way to be here.to be where i am.to say this in an open mind.i've already passed 2 years of uni with much difficulty but im still standing here for what i believe is right.
long before i started this course,i doubted myself.i didnt have that confidence to think i would succeed in this.i didnt believe that i would last or go on.but i now believe that i've come a long way not because i didnt believe i could but because i had the support behind me.
and to see my dad work hard for me,i can never let him down even after that incident.i can never see him in that pain again.its me he worked so hard for and i cant let him down.that's why i can never accept failure.i haven't which proves something.that i can make him proud and make me proud.
a little bit of arrogance and stupidity put me in my place and with that,i lost a few precious friends.people always say that when "u lose some,u gain some" and i believe that it isnt true all the time.though i did gain trustworthy ones,i still missed the ones i've lost.sometimes we have to lose the people we cared about before we understand ourselves better.i wish i could have turned back time to tell them that i really treasured them as a friend and that their friendship meant a lot to me.but well,i hope they know who they are.
its true i can be very cynical and too straightforward at times but that's me.i say it to the face and even if it hurts someone,i do try not to say it in such an awful manner but i try to make my point across.i never want to offend anyone but i always say it from the heart and what i believe is right.i dont pretend how i feel and pretend nothing happened.i let others know that this is what im thinkin bout,this is what i should do,im truthful and im not lying to you.i cant do that to my friends.it hurts when they dont understand why u had to say it.i still love em.
in 2 years time,im going to be freed...ive to work to make a living and im going to see what's going to happen.Only God knows.
but till then,alot of changes have been made within me,the core of my soul.people will not understand this.but they soon will know why.
sometimes changes are inevitable.make a change.take a chance.
i'll be off to sleep now.it has been a long day.