Wednesday, January 16, 2008
BREAKDOWNno one cares,no one listens and im just a nobody...God hear me out!
whenever i speak,its called a complain
i cant even express my feelings in anyway
coz i dont have the right to
what kind of life is this?
my family dont understand shit about anything
assume im this kind of person who doesnt do anything productive,who just wastes time when I'm waiting for something to happen
like when i got the job,i was the happiest person and i was so excited to begin working..i love working in kitchens especially in IH when the jo and jacky can laugh about the silly things we self helpers do..go crazy,sing,make vassi annoyed,boss around freshers...
no one knows who i am and they assume they do
and my mum claims SHE KNOWS me...bullshit
and the thing that chissed me off is when she said i was feeling sorry for myself...WTF?feeling sorry for myself??why the @#$% would i blardy feel sorry for myself?its not even about feeling sorry for myself!!and call me spoilt but is it always me being confined in my own house as if im a 5 year old child when im gona be f-in 21 years old in 2 months time!tell me i dont understand and im being selfish
if im being rude,its honesty
i know life here isnt easy...im being patient enough to stay at home and take all that crap...its normal,im used to it
and im supposed to pretend that im fine??
my friends are all back home and thats ok??lonely and miserable but who cares?it doesnt matter right...
it hurts,it really hurts that im not allowed to voice out how i feel...i dont feel like going back home...its painful and still no one understands...and they say im the one whose the problem,im the source of the problem,im this,im that..its all my fault..im lousy,im not good enough...i get that every day of my life...
i really i started uni a long time ago just so i dont have to deal with all this shit...im here coz my dad and no one else...
ive no outlet,no one to turn to except God who can hear my cries and prayers
nothing i say matters anymore...and when i cry,im crying out for someone to hear me out but it doesnt reach anyone anymore