Designer: Manikka
Resources: 1 2 3

its 12am and im still awake..the clock is still ticking and ive been researching on job options in qatar after i graduate...interesting,i havent found any section on biomedical engineering as a field..instead,its called biotechnology or biochem...i suppose theyre bout the same but anyway,im just exploring my prospects..who knows i'll end up working here(dat would be depressing) but hey i'll get paid in US dollars...wahahah

ive another 2 more years till we all throw our hats in the air and expose ourselves to the hell of the working world which is good in a way coz we get to gain really good experiences and how bitchy people can be when they're at each other's necks dealing with each other's money/life etc.im looking forward to seeing and believing what i hear.learning new things will not always be my middle name or so i hope.my mum is already questioning my concerns and worry about jobs and all coz ive been thinking alot about it and u know where am i gona work in future?what am i goin to be?what would i be doing?will i lead people or sit behind and watch?im curious to know what is going to happen next.and i think this year will give me the answer to that.

internship/clinicals...it sounds rather boring and uninteresting to me.but im excited to learn something new.something out of the ordinary.something we have to deal with in real life situations when we have to think out of the box and not apply just any everyday knowledge if we're risking people's lives.

though this may be the case,i'm still very curious and intrigued by the fact that i want to save people's lives.not as in be the doctor but assist the doctor but as to how much and to what extent we'll be helping in handling problems,that is another question that still sticks to my head.

my mind is filled with complicated things and trying to answer every question that pops up is rather difficult to handle.in a month's time,i'll be 21 and that means growing up,turning over a new leaf and getting down to business.i do believe that ethical situations like dealing with patients and being behind the doctors is rather a challenge than a solution.

and to the question everyone asks,why do you want to do what you're doing?why do this?why not something u reali love like art etc?

truth is its about compassion.its about saving other people's lives.its about breakthroughs.its not about money,money,money all the time.is that what everyone thinks bout 24/7?money is the solution to everything?wrong...it cant buy love,it cant buy happiness but it can make a living and run errands.

all that i do know that i want to do this because it's my calling.it's God's calling.it's not about me all the time.it's bout lives.it's bout changing the world to make it a better place for everyone whose living in it.my dad almost died of a heart attack and without stents,he wouldnt be walking like a free man now which i am eternally grateful of because it's what i think made everything possible.

there is always a solution to a problem and nothing is impossible.but ive already have ideas in my mind,to make things,to create things.people have been telling me this and that,what they want to be done.new lungs,new kidneys,new this,new that,etc.what if i can give it to them and make them happy?

its easy for me to say but its not simple to do.i believe i've worked hard and i've come a long way to be here.to be where i am.to say this in an open mind.i've already passed 2 years of uni with much difficulty but im still standing here for what i believe is right.

long before i started this course,i doubted myself.i didnt have that confidence to think i would succeed in this.i didnt believe that i would last or go on.but i now believe that i've come a long way not because i didnt believe i could but because i had the support behind me.

and to see my dad work hard for me,i can never let him down even after that incident.i can never see him in that pain again.its me he worked so hard for and i cant let him down.that's why i can never accept failure.i haven't which proves something.that i can make him proud and make me proud.

a little bit of arrogance and stupidity put me in my place and with that,i lost a few precious friends.people always say that when "u lose some,u gain some" and i believe that it isnt true all the time.though i did gain trustworthy ones,i still missed the ones i've lost.sometimes we have to lose the people we cared about before we understand ourselves better.i wish i could have turned back time to tell them that i really treasured them as a friend and that their friendship meant a lot to me.but well,i hope they know who they are.

its true i can be very cynical and too straightforward at times but that's me.i say it to the face and even if it hurts someone,i do try not to say it in such an awful manner but i try to make my point across.i never want to offend anyone but i always say it from the heart and what i believe is right.i dont pretend how i feel and pretend nothing happened.i let others know that this is what im thinkin bout,this is what i should do,im truthful and im not lying to you.i cant do that to my friends.it hurts when they dont understand why u had to say it.i still love em.

in 2 years time,im going to be freed...ive to work to make a living and im going to see what's going to happen.Only God knows.

but till then,alot of changes have been made within me,the core of my soul.people will not understand this.but they soon will know why.

sometimes changes are inevitable.make a change.take a chance.

i'll be off to sleep now.it has been a long day.

My celebrity look alikes

I've been watching alot of Ghost Whisperers and Hell's Kitchen.

I love Hell's Kitchen mannnnnnnn

Gordon Ramsay is damn freaking funny.He's a genius man.I know he's really harsh with the cooks but let's face it,if no one is going to tell them,who will?He is really straightforward and says it to their face.but also he can be really nice like he let the chinese guy rest and stuff.hey,he's not that bad.he's mean but truthful.It is just so crazy to watch them on screen,so stressful.I've never seen anything like that in my life.and there are just so many bleeps in the show,ive lost count.they should have a swearing jar so whenever he curses,he should put like 2bucks in the jar and collect them(in the end,he can give the jar to me wakakaka).haha..just a thought.

I'm running out of tv shows and movies to watch.really want to watch enchanted,just dont know when yet.only when mum gets her car.which means soon.very soon,hopefully.

daym,im still suffering from insomnia and nothing has worked for me.i stay up late and wake up late eventhough i am in bed by 11pm,eyes wont close till like 1am.zzzzzz

i miss malaysian food and bak kut teh and curry mee and MAGGI GORENGGGGGG *drools*

krispy kremes is opening on 1st feb soon and we'll be the first few to line up!!hopefuli there wont be a LONG queue.lol

im goin to read a book and try go to sleep...kekeke

HEATH LEDGER,A LEGENDARY HERO

When I saw the news in the papers that Heath Ledger died,I didn't know what I should be feeling or how I should feel.I was just overwhelmed by sadness that someone so young and talented had to pass away at such a young age.He was only 28 years old and he has a cute little daughter who will grow up without a father.Everyone in the world is mourning the loss of a young,handsome actor who will never be forgotten for his work and films.He's so hot!I still love him.

We will miss you,Heath Ledger.You'll always be remembered.

*candles burning and memorial flowers for you*

1.What was your dream when you were a small kid?
~to be a beautiful mermaid lol i was a kid back then zzz

2. What is the happiest thing in your whole life?
~getting straight As for my exam

3.What do you wish to have right now?
~to be with my family and friends

4. When was the last time your Horse laugh?
~I don't have any horse and Horses don't laugh :)

5. What did you realize recently?
~you can't trust people easily

6. Which bad habit in you that is most unacceptable
~i'm very defensive and i stand up for myself and sometimes I'm really straightforward,people get offended

7. When you are unhappy, what will you do?
~get out of the house for some fresh air

8. What are you afraid of losing?
~myself

9. Within 5 years, which target is the most realistic one?
~to be in one of the top biomedical companies and be able to use my expertise wisely

10. When you meet someone you like, will you confess or hide your feelings?
~ confess,you've got nothing to hide

11. List out 3 kind of people you hate the most
~ racist people,people who think so highly of themselves it makes me sick,arrogant,selfish bastards(excuse my language)and fake people

12. Define Loneliness
~ lonely without your closest friends and family.

13. Are you satisfied with your life now?
~ errmmm,define satisfied.i think im grateful with what i have right now.

14. When is the most recent time you felt touched?
~ when someone bought flowers for my mum's bday as a surprise gift when i asked them for a huge favour coz i was in melb at that time so it was really touching.

15. Where is the most beautiful place that you've visited?
~ the view at the nubian tea house

16. A song that is playing in your mind recently?
~ I will remember you by Ryan Cabrera

17. If you have a wish come true, what is it?
~ to be able to go to US on exchange.

18. Do you have anything to worried or scared recently?
~ No.

19. If the world is going to end, what will you do?
~ Move to another planet and probably make friends there.lol

20. What is your wild ambition?
~ to be a professional belly dancer

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Arrogant Belly Dancer. Where You Lived: Cyprus. How You Died: The Plague.

Your Waist to Hip Ratio is 0.8

You are quite curvy. Most clothes look great on you.

You Are Most Like Eva Longoria

“There's something very sexy about being submissive.”

Your Daddy Is Arnold Schwarzenegger

What You Call Him: Daddy Dearest Why You Love Him: He takes you to church

You'll Find Love Where You Least Expect It

You're the type most likely to find love... surprised? You shouldn't be! You're a fun, independent woman who is always out and about. And you're smart to sometimes leave your girlfriends behind and go it alone. Men love to approach you when you're out by yourself - including Mr. Perfect!

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement. You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you. By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power. And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Busy

While a relationship sounds nice, you're strapped for time Whether you're legitimately busy or just making excuses... ... You don't give men enough of your time. As nice as "instant love" would be, there's just no such thing.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstrations help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

You Can Make 69% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal. Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you! As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Your Career Type: Investigative

You are precise, scientific, and intellectual. Your talents lie in understanding and solving math and science problems. You would make an excellent: Architect - Biologist - Chemist Dentist - Electrical Technician - Mathematician Medical Technician - Meteorologist - Pharmacist Physician - Surveyor - Veterinarian The worst career options for your are enterprising careers, like lawyer or real estate agent.

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you both as mysterious and exotic. You definitely have cultivated your own unique interests and lifestyle. Brainy and quick witted, you aren't one for superficial friendships. But if someone can make you laugh or think, they'll likely be your friend for life.

Your Kissing Grade: A

You are truly an amazing kisser. Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing. Whether you're naturally a good kisser or not, you've taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible. Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!

Your Fragrance Profile

The best calming fragrance: vanilla The best fragrance for everyday wear: orange The best fragrance to boost your sex appeal: lavender The best fragrance for energy: pine

You've Changed 24% in 10 Years

Ah, the past! You may not remember it well - because you're still living in it. While you've changed some, you may want to update your wardrobe, music collection and circle of friends.

You Are Upper Class

Class isn't always about money, and you've at least got the brains, manners, and interests of an upper class person. You don't have a trashy bone in your body, and you don't pretend to be someone you're not. You're comfortable with your station in life, and class issues don't really bother you. The finest things in life are within your reach, and you're comfortable enjoying them. You may end up: A business leader, corporate lawyer, or philanthropist Other people who share your class: Bill Gates, Oprah, former world leaders like Bill Clinton, and those reclusive billionaires no one ever talks about.

You Make a Great First Impression

You can handle almost any social situation with grace, even the tricky ones. Strangers often find you charming and interesting. You are often remembered fondly. Even if you're not naturally outgoing, you can make conversation with anyone if you need to. Whether you were born this way or had to work to get here, you are definitely charismatic. You're popular and well liked. People definitely look forward to being around you. Your social connections bring you a full and rich life. You understand how important it is to make a lasting impression.

Your Superpower Should Be Manipulating Fire

You are intense, internally driven, and passionate. Your emotions are unpredictable - and they often get the better of you. Both radiant and terrifying, people are drawn to you. At your most powerful, you feel like the world belongs to you. Why you would be a good superhero: You are obsessive enough to give it your all Your biggest problem as a superhero: Your moodiness would make it difficult to control your powers

Your Travel Personality Is: The Adventurer

For you, travel is how you learn about the world. And you like to learn the stuff that's not in guidebooks. You truly have wanderlust. When you're not traveling, you're dreaming about where you'll go next. And your travels are truly legendary - they leave you with stories you'll be telling for the rest of your life!

You Are 40% Spoiled

You're barely spoiled. You may have some nice things, but you never let them go to your head. You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have.

You Are Fun Sexy

You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy. Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy. You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through. Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!

Your Guy Could Bring You Home

When it comes to meeting the parents, you're cool and calm. In fact, you're so self assured, you may forget to try to impress them. Work that famous charm a little more, and your boyfriend's family will be loving you.

Skinny Jeans

You are classy and a bit formal when it comes to your personal style. Your look is feminine and well put together - and never trashy or too trendy.

You Should Travel to India

You're a passionate, gusty traveler - and India's gritty urban centers won't scare you away. Maybe you'll take in the Taj Mahal, eat the best curry of your life, or attend a huge street festival.

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible

Fun, funky, and a little bit euro. You love your summers to be full of style and sun!

You Sometimes Hold a Grudge

You aren't exactly vengeful, but you're not going to forget when someone wrongs you. And while you'll forgive the small things, you don't hand out too many second chances to people who really screw up.

You Should Honeymoon in Europe!

You are a traditional romantic at heart... With a taste for fine wine, museums and beautiful walks. You and your sweetie should get romantic in a cafe in Paris Or get a Eurail pass - and see as many cities as possible! Suggested destinations: Paris, Venice, London, Greece

Your Reputation Is: Maneater

You're the kind of girl all the chicks hate... And guys are both scared of you yet strangely drawn in.

You Are 56% Perfectionist

No one would call you a perfectionist, but you definitely have a side of you that strives to be perfect. Try to see your mistakes as learning experiences, and don't be so hard on yourself when you screw up!

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

You Are 100% Good

You are not only a good person... you are a model citizen and a natural leader. Whether you know it or not, your high moral standards and good judgment is truly rare. You don't take ethical short cuts in life. You are able to do what's right - even when it's very difficult. And while it may seem like no one else is as on track as you are, take heart in knowing that you set a good example for others. You are also probably: Very sensitive and in tune with the world Right now you are on track to being: A saint To be a better person: Gently mentor someone who is taking the wrong path in life

You are Totally Realistic

"Romance" means you're about to roll your eyes Seriously, you can do without the sap or drama Save it for someone who has nothing really going on in their relationship For you, love is real - and easily integrated into your life You don't need candles, flowers, or chocolates to know he's the one Just some stimulating conversation... and maybe a great smile.

You Are Very Happy Being Single

You're not anti-relationship. You just don't need one to be content. You find plenty of happiness from your life as it is. And if you find someone you love, then that's just icing on an already decadent cake!

Your Learning Style: Competent and Cooperative

You have a great head for facts and figures. You can remember and use any fact you've read. You Should Study: Dentistry Education Environmental Science Finance Nursing Nutrition Science Medicine Law

You are 73% Pisces

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about... One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though You have style, but for you, style is effortless

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

living,smelling,dreaming,feeling the scent of qatar

ive another few weeks before i fly home to melbourne still counting down to the day...and im going back a brand new person...yeah staying here really takes lots of patience and strength and i lack that alot sometimes,its nerve wrecking..

i started my silk painting class today,damn i should have done this AGESSSS AGO and now finally,my parents are listening and letting me do something out of my own free will...hey studying hard in melb and coming back to suffer in this place makes u wana cry mannn...this is my reward phewww...im not their little girl anymore,sit around and not making use of my brains..have to make use of those brain cells...art is such a beautiful hobby,have always loved it...back to the painting,it was really fun!!!i enjoyed myself alot among all the middle aged ladies who share their experiences and hobbies.they were so fascinated by biomed eng,it was really cool to share some of my uni experiences too haha...ive convinced my mum to go to the next class...bet she cant resist lol

finally someone's listening,my Father in the Heavens...the answer to my prayers

mum passed her driving test thank God...the whole family is relieved now...

other than that,been chillin and hopefuli goin out with sheen on friday or do something...she may bring me to some disco place if theres a good one...lol

ive been doing lots of colouring and painting and its finally completed...goin to bring it home with me to hang up on my wall in IH...hey ben,you'll be proud of me now *beams* wahaha

been suffering from insomnia since i came here...its been getting really bad.i was supposed to sleep like 3 hours ago but its not happening.and ive an early morning,volunteering at lishan's school for international week.how do u recover from insomnia??have to look up on that..

i actually miss my friends in melbourne especially some of them from my course...at least i'll get to see them again when i get back...

the moment i reach melb,im goin to get a new hairdo...keep it longer and get it highlighted with some colours...haha...its much cheaper in melb than here...might as well lol..

ive to wake up at 8am and im stil too awake to sleep...
theres too much on my mind i guess..

someone changed my mind about guys today and i think it will stay in my head for a long time...i'll be fine sooner or later...and ive learnt a very important lesson in my life.watch the fire or else you'll get burnt.


toodles...updates later...

Butterfly Lady xoxoxoxo

Signing up for silk painting!I hope i do get to go to their classes...start on tues!!

Lishan's international week - we're malaysians so have to wear malaysian outfits and im volunteering so i hope i get stuff done.decorate the place and mum's going to cook some malaysian food

reading chronicles of narnia(the kid's version)-not to say its not childish,it is but i mean i need to do something to kill time and keep my brain active at the same time(continuously thinking and making sure i do)

1421 by gavin menzies on how the chinese found america earlier than chris columbus - still getting thru that book

down with the flu coz the weather is crazy - reminds me of melbourne weather,constantly changing (hot to cold to hot to cold etc)

the pool looks tempting,its nice to swim and all but its sooooo cold in this weather

sand everywhere - fine sand from the dunes,its so softtttt

im going back to melb in a months time!!!weeeeeeeeeeeee

i dont want to sit around,waste time and be brain dead

u wanna do something,u do it!and make use of the opportunities u have rite now!

i cant sit around and wait for something to happen,i need to pursue what i think is right and what i should be doing!

cant wait to start uni and study again...of coz im grateful im at uni,studying what i wanna study and do what is right...and thats all i need,the support system that keeps me going!

i just need that...my time and space...and the people i love and care around me

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

BREAKDOWN

no one cares,no one listens and im just a nobody...God hear me out!

whenever i speak,its called a complain

i cant even express my feelings in anyway

coz i dont have the right to

what kind of life is this?

my family dont understand shit about anything

assume im this kind of person who doesnt do anything productive,who just wastes time when I'm waiting for something to happen

like when i got the job,i was the happiest person and i was so excited to begin working..i love working in kitchens especially in IH when the jo and jacky can laugh about the silly things we self helpers do..go crazy,sing,make vassi annoyed,boss around freshers...

no one knows who i am and they assume they do

and my mum claims SHE KNOWS me...bullshit
and the thing that chissed me off is when she said i was feeling sorry for myself...WTF?feeling sorry for myself??why the @#$% would i blardy feel sorry for myself?its not even about feeling sorry for myself!!and call me spoilt but is it always me being confined in my own house as if im a 5 year old child when im gona be f-in 21 years old in 2 months time!tell me i dont understand and im being selfish

if im being rude,its honesty

i know life here isnt easy...im being patient enough to stay at home and take all that crap...its normal,im used to it

and im supposed to pretend that im fine??

my friends are all back home and thats ok??lonely and miserable but who cares?it doesnt matter right...

it hurts,it really hurts that im not allowed to voice out how i feel...i dont feel like going back home...its painful and still no one understands...and they say im the one whose the problem,im the source of the problem,im this,im that..its all my fault..im lousy,im not good enough...i get that every day of my life...

i really i started uni a long time ago just so i dont have to deal with all this shit...im here coz my dad and no one else...
ive no outlet,no one to turn to except God who can hear my cries and prayers

nothing i say matters anymore...and when i cry,im crying out for someone to hear me out but it doesnt reach anyone anymore

UPDATES ON THE EGYPT TRIP

PLEASE REFER TO http://caterpillarlishan.blogspot.com

too malas to update

happy reading! and happy new year!